“If I had remained invisible, the truth would have stayed hidden. I couldn't allow that." SONMI-451
I am the youngest child of two; our mother was a single divorced parent who suffered from Post Partum Depression after my birth.
From the ages of 2 & 3, our entire immediate family was in Scientology, apart from my grandfather who objected so he was shunned.
We were taught we had no other options besides being in Scientology, we would suffer and die without it, but also noone else wanted us.
We lost our entire extended family because of Scientology estrangement and dissemination pressure
We were marginalized, neglected and molested at the hands of strangers because of Scientology’s Greatest Good philosophy causing our mother to have tunnel vision and be unavailable to us, but also accepting the idea that children are Thetans (spirits) in small bodies, but should have the same expectations as adults, so were EXPECTED to fend for ourselves and even support ourselves to be “in exchange”, and were expected to “Make things go right” …and that anything bad that happened to us, we had “pulled in” or caused including illness and injuries.
We joined the Scientology Sea Organization at 10 & 11 years old because of Scientology’s Greatest Good philosophy.
We were placed on ScIentology Sea Org’s ADULT Rehabilitation Project Force at 12 & 13 years old and did hard labor and lived in the Fort Harrison Hotel garage for months. We were made to do hard labor all day, including climbing inside of the hotels commercial dumpster to use our bodies to compact the garbage filled with all the hotels personal waste, rotten food from multiple dining rooms & restaurants materials soiled with chemicals and solvents, and construction debris, but also teeming with maggots, cockroaches and rats. We were not allowed to speak to anyone beside our in charge, we denied access to our family, and and to run everywhere wearing only navy blue or black. Infractions resulted in push-ups or laps, or harder punitive labor such as scrubbing stairwells and toilets with toothbrushes.
Considered jumping from the hotel’s 10 floor roof, but knowing my sister needed me made me change my mind.
We were cast out of the Sea Org in shame and returned to our mother but she made us go back to the Sea Org again and again on Amnesty’s due to Scientology’s Greatest Good philosophy.
Ran away from home at 14. My sister suffered from what I know know was symptoms of depression from a very early age and was even pulled aside at school by the schools psychologist who recommended treatment, which our mother refused due to Scientology’s false but enforced stigma of mental health agenda.
Were removed from school at age 14 & 15 and I did not complete the 7th grade. Public education is frowned upon as a distraction because of Scientology’s Greatest Good philosophy.
We were assigned to Scientology’s Sea Org ADULT Rehabilitation Project Force again at 15 & 16. My sister refused and ran away. I didn’t want to lose my mother so for 12 months I did HARD labor sometimes on 2 hrs of sleep for weeks, and was injured due to dangerous work conditions, frenetic pace, and no safety equipment. I was verbally abused, sexually harassed, even spit on. I was made to interrogate 2 men in their 40’s about their sexual proclivities and question them for hours on end about how they masturbated while fantasizing about me. I was dressed up and made to flirt with Contractors to get better contract pricing for the hotels restoration project.
Decided leaving the Sea Org and being homeless would be better than the abusive environment I was in, even though it also meant leaving my mother behind, who was my final life line. I left the Fort Harrison without being allowed to say goodbye to my mother and no possessions or money, and was homeless and on the streets of Clearwater for 10 or so days before my mother was able to help make arrangements for a place to stay, though couldn’t intervene further because of Scientology’s Greatest Good philosophy, and the fact that I was now considered a degraded being, “Not in good standing” and and enemy of the group.
Orbited around Scientology and other Scientology orphans for 5 more years terrified of the outside world, without skills to do anything else, and was even pressured by an executive to rejoin the Sea Org again at 20 but only lasting a few days before being dragged from a room and locked in an office by a recruiter from a competing division, and for “causing” this trouble I was forced to return to Clearwater Florida for ethics handing (punishment). This experience was the final straw for me I no longer wanted to be a part of organization in ANY way.
Finally stepped away from Scientology (and everyone Id ever known) very cautiously and quietly at 21 years old, when I mustered up the courage to get a WOG (non Scientology) job, and slowly created a career. This resulted in my mother to Disconnecting from me because of Scientology’s Keeping Scientology Working policy .
Reunited with my immediate family apart from my mother after 7 years of Disconnection.
Reunited with my mother after almost a year of Disconnection when she went into a complete psychosis after 20 years in Scientology and achieving one of its highest levels Operating Thetan IIV, but never being treated for the mental illness she had displayed all along.
Got a GED and felt less ashamed of myself ? My sister did too but she also went on to college and became a licensed practical nurse and worked with babies. (My sister is an AMAZING friend and human)
Diagnosed with Cancer at 30 and still wondered what I had done to “pull it in”.
My sister was finally diagnosed and treated for PTSD, Depression and Bi Polar Disorder and she accepted this help gracefully and gratefully.
Found unconditional love with my partner of 14 years, Bill who has supported me through everything ♥ (I LOVE you Bill)
Spent two decades searching for & reconnecting my childhood Scientology friends wondering if they were still affected and could be helped by a community.. and found most to be very damaged & fearful, or completely indoctrinated.
Agonized for a year over whether or not to dare share our story and speak out publicly. Discussed as a family and agreed we couldn’t remain silent knowing the abuse was still happening to other families and children, and that our silence condoned the abuse. Began writing our story and rallied others to do the same.
Contributed to A&E series, “DISCONNECTED” .
Helped create a thriving and life saving community of Second Generation Ex Scientology survivors. I hope my role in this is what I’m remembered for. ♥
Contributed to A&E series Leah Remini’s “Scientology The Aftermath” Season 2, Episode 7.
Got a website (thank you Nathan) & lived happily ever after ♥